Personal Background

The bigger picture

I wrote the story of my path through academic research to help explain the perspective of my digital Sanskrit work. But in fact, that path was often dark and obscure. If you’re maybe experiencing similar doubts in your own life about how to balance academics, vocation, and the life of the mind, I want to briefly share with you how other parts of my own life and self have helped sustain me so far. I obviously don’t have any easy answers to give, but at least we can know that we’re struggling through these things together.

I grew up in Southern New Jersey for my entire childhood. My parents, Otis and RoseAnne, are also from the South Jersey/Philly area, and we lived fairly comfortable, middle-to-upper-middle class lives. I did well in my public schooling, and my parents supported me in spending the rest of my personal time with part-time jobs, sports, and hanging out with friends (although video games probably consumed more time than all those combined). Academics at an advanced level wasn’t something we understood well or particularly aspired to, but we still thought I should aim high. So, with some encouragement (and with the hope of significant financial aid), I dared to apply to a big-name school or two. With no small bit of luck, Harvard accepted me, and I went, and then my world got a lot bigger.

I had always been an avid learner, but in college, I suddenly felt like an imposter. My peers seemed much more acquainted with the ways of academia, and I felt like a silly amateur when it came to “Research with the capital R”, as it loomed in my imagination. Within my chosen major of environmental science, I felt unsuccessful and unmoored. So, I found other things on the side that felt more like me: cleaning dishes at the Dudley Co-op and bathrooms as part of Dorm Crew; caring for animals at a psychology lab; working as a mechanic at the bike shop; taking two semesters off to read books; and meditating a lot at the Cambridge Insight Meditation Center. These things grounded me, and though I didn’t graduate with honors or anything like that, I emerged from college with an even deeper love of learning than ever before.

Within a few months of graduating, I started my Sanskrit journey. The path was filled with many experiences, both good and bad. Grad school actually made me quite depressed for the first few years, until I eventually had to quit my first PhD program. To be honest, it was a dark time. But I’m happy to talk about it now, because out of that darkness came light. I got acquainted with therapy (thank you, Bureau of Study Counsel), and I was forced to look around for a better place for my next phase. That turned out to be Europe because 1) the academic trends suited me better, 2) I had always wanted to live abroad for a while, and 3) it got me closer to my friend Saee, who yes, it turns out, was in fact the love of my life, and who supports my intellectual and personal goals better than anyone else ever could. For example, without her enthusiasm for neuroscience, math, and machine learning, I don’t think I would have ended up at such a fun hybrid of traditional and digital Sanskrit research on my own. And if not for her wit, good humor, and passionate curiosity about so many things, I’m not sure what my life would be. Our little daughter, too, for her own part, is also shaping up to be a very interesting conversation partner.

Which is all to say, Sanskrit and meditation and academic work are all well and good, but in my case at least, there’s a lot more to be thankful for, too.